A Hint of Hell by Claire Chilton

Author:Claire Chilton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Paranormal Comedy, Horror Comedy
ISBN: 9781908822314
Publisher: Claire Chilton
Published: 2013-06-24T16:00:00+00:00

Eight

Satan Claws

Kieron pushed Leila behind him in a protective motion. Then he turned to face the ogre. “Satan Claws, I presume?”

“Oh, I love it when groupies drop by. No wait, I don’t. I hope you don’t taste like fawning bitch.” He eyed Kieron with curiosity. “Still, a bit of hot sauce, and anything tastes good.”

“Don’t you think you’ve eaten enough?” Kieron asked, pointedly eyeing his bulging belly.

“I’m big boned.” Satan Claws snarled at him.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Kieron tried to work out how to handle this, but he had to destroy this guy. That was why he was here, right? An unsettling feeling of discomfort washed over him.

What if he’s not actually the bad guy? I mean, okay he eats a lot of people, but that’s not a crime is it? Maybe they want to be eaten.

He decided to try to find out what was real and what was not. All he knew about Satan Claws was a bedtime story, after all. “So you eat demons?” he asked.

“And elves, and people, and small puppies.” The ogre nodded.

“Right. Would you say that was against their will?”

“What the hell kind of dipshit are you? No, they willingly jumped onto my plate.” Satan Claws shot him an incredulous glance.

“Okay, so you kill the innocent. Right, I can work with that. Thanks for clarifying it.” He smiled politely.

He’s bad. I need to kill him.

“Clarifying what?” The ogre leaned forward in his chair, frowning at him.

“Well, that you’re bad. I only know myth, but facts are much more reliable, don’t you think?”

“I’m the darkest, baddest bitch in all the universe!” Satan Claws sat up in his chair and stuck out his chin.

“Oh yeah, what other stuff do you do?” Kieron asked.

“I make the elves work until they die, then I eat their remains. Sometimes, I eat them before then.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty evil.” Kieron nodded. “You’re only the most evil in this realm though. I mean technically, the universe has many realms in it.”

“And I go to them!” Satan Claws bellowed as he stood up and stomped over to Kieron and Leila. “I go to Earth and steal presents from children in the winter. I bankrupt their parents during they’re stupid holidays. I am the monster that lurks in their closet at night and haunts their dreams. That is the reality for you, tiny demon!”

“I see.” Kieron said as a smile spread across his face. He just figured out how to solve all of his problems with one spell. The answer was reality.

Satan Claws roared as he reached down and scooped Leila up into his giant fist. “And now, I’m going to kill your pretty little friend.”

“Kieron, if you’ve got a plan, now is the time to use it!” she cried as she struggled in the grip of the giant ogre.

“Oh right, shit.” Kieron reached into his back pocket and pulled out the scroll.

The ogre’s eyes widened as he recognized it. “My codex!” He dropped Leila from his hands and reached for Kieron instead.

Leila landed on the cushioned throne, groaning as she rolled off it and scurried beneath it to hide.

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